I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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