Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
