kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
