rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Are my feet made of real feet?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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