I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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