she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
