i already hear my dad disowning me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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