shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
