Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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