he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
