Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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