he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
