I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize