never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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