i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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