C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
