there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
