Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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