Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
