i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize