It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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