Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
