I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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