is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dignity is for republicans.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
