i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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