real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
