the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
