i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
