I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
