How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
