Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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