Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
