forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize