At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
