to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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