My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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