pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
