So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
