You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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