just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
