carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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