i just wanna soil my oats bro
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
