I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
