i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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