you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
