Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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