you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a search helicopter?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
