So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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