Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
