My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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