So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
