was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
