just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
