Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
