Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
