You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
