My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
