Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
