Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
