I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
