my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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