just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
