you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am available for nakedness
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
