he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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