I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
