Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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