just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Im part way to drunk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
