you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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