Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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