I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize