so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
