I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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