she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
