what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pants are for mortals
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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